Things you shouldn't say to a pregnant woman....

So we are in our 23rd week this week- 2 weeks away from viability and about 5 weeks away from being able to deliver at our hospital. In the last few weeks as my belly has grown (which I must say I am very excited about) I've come to notice that people cant help but comment on it and pregnancy in general. It is amazing the things that people say to pregnant women that you wouldn't dream of saying to a woman who isn't pregnant.


FOR THE RECORD: Sense of humor required....
Comments from family are significantly different from strangers and I have not been offended by anyone I love (a few strangers yes)- However we'd love for our family and friends to remember this is OUR baby- Michael and I made this child together and we do very much value the opinions of our family as many of you have been here before- but if you make a suggestion and we don't like it or it isn't part of our plan that's OK but PLEASE don't be offended if we aren't using your suggestion. What worked for you may or may not work for us but we ARE open to suggestions. 

So as a PSA here is a list of things you shouldn't say to a pregnant woman ANY pregnant woman... 
#1- "My labor was 25 hours and I was in so much pain!!!" or any similar version of the like... UNLESS a pregnant woman ASKS you to share your labor story with her please don't assume that we want to be horrified by how long, hard or painful it was. You may feel that you are preparing us for what could happen but every woman, pregnancy and labor is different there is no connection to how yours went and how mine might go. The baby must come out and when it does it might not be pleasant or painless there is no alternative! :-)


#2-  How far along are you? (me, 6 months)..That's it?  Are you sure you're not having twins?You are huge!!!! You look like you might pop tomorrow!!!"
No woman pregnant or not wants you to comment on how big YOU think she looks. Not only is it Rude and you wouldn't make weight comments to random strangers who aren't pregnant, but pregnant woman worry more than non-pregnant woman and you might just send them running to the doctor to make sure they aren't gaining to much or are at risk for early delivery or GASP!!! have a twin hiding in there somewhere. You may think that's over reacting- but pregnancy makes hormones do crazy things to your brain. We cant help it. 


#3 - "Oh My God- it sucks that you have to suffer through the summer heat!!!" 
Do not tell them how difficult it is to be pregnant in the heat of the summer. So far Summer in Texas is wonderful-the heat is actually making my pregnancy EASIER- because guess what I get to swim every day if I want to and besides- If you are hot in the middle of the summer it's your own damn fault :-)  air conditioning exists and so do fans! Hormonal women need not be reminded.  


#4 - "You are breastfeeding aren't you?!" 
Do not ask questions about choices for my body and baby like you are automatically condemning me if I say something contrary. It does not in any way determine your WORTH as a mother if for some reason breast feeding doesn't work for you. "breast is best" comments can make some pregnant women break down and cry- you have no idea if she might have an illness that makes it impossible for her to breastfeed. And if she is choosing not to breastfeed at all its not really any of your business unless she wants it to be.
HOWEVER: "Have you decided if you are going to breastfeed or not?" is an acceptable question as long as it's not followed by a lecture on how "HARD" it is to breast feed or how sore or tired I'm going to be- or even that you think I should formula feed. 


#4- "Just you wait...." this is typically followed by "till you don't get to sleep" or "till your up all night miserable with a crying baby" "or till your toddler is running and getting in to trouble" Guess what people...Pregnancy itself is no picnic sometimes and you don't sleep much now either so...no big surprise there. OH and It's no big secret that babies cry and don't sleep through the night- we do not need to be reminded and certainly not in the tone of voice that suggests that You resent your own children because they cried or didn't sleep. If parents have been making it through sleepless nights for eons we can too! 


#5 "Are you sure you want to eat that?"- Yes damnit I do- so back up and shut up. If I wanted something else I wouldn't be eating this, and if I cared if it was going to give me heartburn I also wouldn't eat it. Sometimes you eat what you want and if it doesn't agree with you- so be it. . .We don't need any comments about too much this or too much that. I'm going to eat hot dogs because the baby WANTS them regardless of your opinion on what's in them or how bad you KNOW they are for me. (for the record my doctor said they are just fine in moderation LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE) :-) 


I have had all of these things said to me in the last few weeks by strangers or people I don't know well at all.